7 Simple Relationship Tips: How to Find Love and Keep it
How to find love and save a marriage or intimate relationship is often life’s greatest stressor and challenge. It’s a game few win. Research confirms few commit and those who do often split, or stay and make each other pay. Some for a lifetime. Either way, it’s lose, lose.
February is the month to focus on love. Perhaps extra focus is the reason there are more breakups this month than any other. Relationship tips and techniques have not kept pace with our rapidly changing times. Technology, the lagging economy, and families living further apart are game changers.
The classic ‘seat of your pants’ approach just don’t work. There’s advanced training to hone new skills in most every area of life, but relationship tips and techniques that work are scarce.
For the past 25 years, over 90% of our psychotherapy practice clients come seeking answers to solve relationship conflicts. Often they come with a preconceived goal. They desire to change their partner, get them to give up who they are in hopes this will make them happy. They expend their efforts on a goal that is an impossible feat.
Relationships can be fun, free and enhance your life like nothing else, when you know moves to win the game. In this report you will discover 7 classic relationship moves that lose and 7 relationship tips to change your odds and win. No need to wait your life away, like Jack did.
At 90 years of age, Jack finally beat the odds without discovering new tips. He nursed his wife with Alzheimer’s for 7 years. As he daily met her every need, he daily affirmed he did not want to live when his wife passed. Their habit of being conflictual for all those decades of marriage seemed to be erased from his mind. After her passing, his entire goal and focus in life was instantly transformed. Less than a month later, we phoned him to find him living, not dying. “I’m having coffee with Nellie and then we are going canoeing. I’ll call you back later.” He beat the odds the second time around with no new relationship tips. He switched completely, instantly.
Pursuit to Win
My second time around did not go so fast and easy. Left alone to raise 3 small sons at 29 years old, sank me to my lowest bottom. The only way up was to find answers. The classic move to lose “me” and blend into “we” had not worked. It was one sided. I became a door mat, a camelion, a hampster chasing.
Hitting bottom propelled my pursuit. I was unstoppable. I would find out how to find love and keep it. If I dare risk again, a partner would need to meet my criteria of a best friend. I scanned my family, friends, co-workers, and famous people looking for mentors to light the way. The list was short.
Religious training, graduate school, reading every book I could find to find answers seemed to be repetitive. The most confusing was, ‘Change others by changing yourself’. That was what I had done that did not work. I somehow knew I needed to change me, but had not a clue what to do.
Fifteen years ago, my psychologist husband joined my pursuit to find fast, easy, lasting solutions for all life relationships: God, self, spouse, family, friends, work, and money. Brain Body Balance™ Self Help Techniques is the result of that pursuit. After years of education, advanced training seminars, reading to find answers and working with clients we concluded traditional psychology had not kept pace with the fast paced world. We found more than we dreamed for our lives and those we teach.
Brain Body Balance ™ 5 Techniques System are cutting edge energy techniques. They target the subconscious generational root cause, delete and confuse the virus and set your life program free . . . without the expected wait, struggle or need to repeat.
In this article you will learn 7 classic relationship games that never win and 7 relationship tips that are game changers. It really is true, when you change, the relationship has to change. That is you power.
Here’s Where the Fight Got Started
“ME” or “WE”
When you popped out of the chute, you landed in this world with the role of “ME”. With few exceptions, the world revolves around little people. A mere whine or whimper fetches the world’s attention. They scurried to meet your every need so you thrive and survive.
Time flies, fast forward and your world abruptly changed, expanded from “ME” to “WE”. Without adequate preparation or warning, you were shoved out of the nest to go to school. Startled and resistant you obeyed the demands to ‘share’ “ME” faded and “WE” took center stage to play the roles of life: son or daughter, family, student, friend, employee, spouse.
The blending into “WE” leaves little of “ME”. “WE” follow rules, get along, co-operate, blend in . . . but does it really work?
Blending from “ME” to “WE” is stressful. You lose you. Here’s the test for “We” stress:
- I feel stuck, stress and overwhelm.
- My thoughts race negative and unsolicited.
- I fret or regret over the past.
- I strive but never seem to arrive at a better place.
- My relationships with God, me, you, them, work, money are deprived.
- My body is out of balance and dies-eased.
- I am often confused and doubt my decisions.
7 Relationship Moves “WE” Play & Lose
Lose “ME” to be “WE” checklist
- Grab bag – You grab your unresolved, mirror image
- Dates On – Show only the good side, lose “me” and blend into “we”
- Honey Moon is Over – Revert back from “we” to “me”, be the real you
- Blame Game – Unmet expectations
- Whine and Whimper – Critical, hurt, sad, mad, resentment
- Cat or Mouse – All/try harder or nothing/bail
- Till Misery do We Croak – Or Bail
When you look for love, it can be like roulette or a grab bag. Outside matters, the right face, eyes, hair, shape, color. Chemistry matters, a racing heart, that ‘loving feeling’ seals the deal. It’s proof of love. Personality matters, often a bit later in the game. Outside attraction waxes and wanes. Subconscious inside energy attracts, for better or for worse.
Truth is, you attract to and grab to a person with the same inside energy. You attract the mirror image of your fears and unresolved generational blight. Your unresolved subconscious fear memories run your body, thoughts, and your relationship choices.
Up to 7 generations of cellular memory is passed to you at birth. History repeats until the truth sets it free. Your unresolved past fear memories become comfort zone. You repeat your genetic patterns and form your own relationship habit. Conflict is comfort zone, you subconsciously seek to return and it is often confused with ‘love’.
You carry your bulging, past baggage to spill over into the new relationship, yet you expect a different result. No matter your conscious efforts, your life follows your subconscious energy flow. Like attracts like.
Unresolved fears coded in the cellular memory stress the same chakra systems. Each chakra’s organs have specific beliefs that run your thought life. Outside behaviors are often the opposite while inside energy, your subconscious fears are the same. You focus and expend your efforts on outside behaviors . . .one is aggressive while the other passive, one hoards while the other is a spend thrift . . . and it’s all in vain.
Your outside observations lead you to believe, ‘we are so different.’ In fact, the opposite is true. You attract someone who has same inside energy . . . the same fears , limits and buttons. You perfectly attract to your inside mirror image reflection. If they can get a rise out of you, push a button. . . it is your next lesson. They heighten your awareness and movitivate you to grow.
They are in your life to be your greatest teacher, reflecting back your next lesson. You pay it forward and do the same for them Without them, you just might turn to mush.
DATE’s ON: Let’s Pretend
Dating can be fatal, if it’s the classic pursuit to pretend and persuade. First, you mind read, size them up, then give them what you think they want. You put your best out there and even stretch it a tat. “Let me tell you how perfect I am then you tell me how perfect you are .“ Veener wears thin fast.
If pretend and persuade has not worked in the past, do the opposite and even exaggerate a little to the other extreme. Get real and honest. Instead of compromising your beliefs and desires, own them. Risk a loss, it just could really be a win. Show and tell your worst side, tell them your teeth come out at night, you eat onions on your hamburger, and you leave the toilet seat up. It separates the sheep from the goats fast. Their response will reveal their true character.
Love is about you accepting who you are and deciding you are worthy. Your worth is not negotiable. Self love attracts the same energy. It’s a game changer.
Years ago, it worked for me even though I had not a clue what I was doing. As a single mom of three small sons, I avoided relationships. No dating for me. I did not want to get near that grab bag. I wanted no part of a sequel. Each guy that approached asked the same sensitive to me question, “How many kids do you have?” I lied and replied, 5 instead of 3. They always fumbled a bit just prior to a quick exit. That proved a lot that dating could not.
Then there was the exception, Noble, my now and second husband, asked the same question. I responded the same way. His response spoke volumes. “Can I take you and your 5 kids to lunch after church?” That did not sound like a date, so I agreed. I instantly knew a lot about his character. Walk speaks far louder than ‘date talk’.
HONEY MOON’s OVER
Honey moons, like ice cream, don’t last long. Hyper chemistry . . . that ‘loving feeling’ is like an addiction. It’s temporary and cannot be sustained. Two people who lose “me” to blend into “we” are depleted and empty. It’s the classic formula for unhappiness and misery. Most start off this way., but it is not sustainable. Give it 6 months an you slip right back into being the real “me”.
Your partner will complain that you are different, you changed. Different is a threat. You are not the person you were when they met you. You no longer make them happy. You have to give up “me” or it breeds resistance, resentment and criticism.
“Love others as you love yourself.” “God is love.” Scriptures
I heard it wrong for decades, “Love God first, others second, me last if there is any left.”
To love others is not about giving up who you are . . . it’s the opposite. It’s about being and loving who you. That way you never need love, you share love.
The secret is in the Present. This moment, is your life. It is the only place you to connect with the flow of the source of God/Love. Much like control tower to an airplane, it is vital to connect so you thrive, survive and have a guide. Picture two people who were “we” return to “me” connect to the flow of God/Love and soar beside each other effortlessly. Two whole, real, complete being love and soaring. The fight switches to an incredible flight.
BLAME GAME: Unmet Expectations
Post honeymoon. The conversation often mimics a bully and victim on the playground.
“You took my toys.” “No, you took mine.”
“You are to blame.” “No, you are to blame.”
“You are wrong.” “No, you are wrong.”
“You need to change.” “No, you need to change.”
To make them responsible renders you powerless. Your life is up for grabs. You wait, expect and need others to change to make you happy . . . or not.
The message is: Don’t be who you are, lie and pretend again. “Me” does not work. Change back to “we” and do it my way. Both go down that slippery slope of blame, unmet expectations, holding each other person hostage, and then making them pay. To exchange negative energy weight you both to sink to deeper bottoms.
Welcome bottoms. Your bottom is not their bottom. Bottoms are personal. When you hit bottom . . . be glad. It’s the place change begins.
There’s one equal playing field in relationships and life. It’s inside you. Others can rob your inside joy only if you allow it. You are 100% responsible for your part, your choices. That is your demise, or power.
Let go of “we” and shift to “me”. Be in the moment, that’s all there is to life, you can handle moments. Imagine “me” is a circle space around you. Let go the past, shift forward to the Present moment. Stay Present to learn the truth to redeem your past . It’s life’s only equal playing field. Your inside energy moves out into the world and right back to you. That is your power to destroy or create.
Most relationship stress is not your own. You are meddling and trying to control what is not possible. It helps to separate your responsibility from theirs by asking the 3 / P questions.
- What is my part of this problem?
- What is my power?
- What is my purpose (intended outcome)
If it is your part, change starts when you let go of your preconceived outcome. To let go, let God/Love accelerates the perfect solution. Love flows through you, unblocking negative energy and setting you free. It is the easiest, yet hardest relationship move.
For a check list of tips to make letting go easy, check out “Forgiveness is Not . . . “ and “Forgiveness Made Easy: For I Give it Up“ You will get a great return on your investment efforts. It is a gift you give to yourself. Letting go of baggage frees you to soar. It changes your inside energy, moves out into your relationship and right back to you. When you change, they have to . . . that really is your power.
WHINE WHIMPER – Extreme “Me”
An extreme selfish “me” gets you nowhere fast. To whimper and whine worked the first years of “me” life. The louder you became, the better the outcome. Old habits die hard and resurface easily. An adult can easily revert unaware back to 3, and be an extreme, selfish “me’. It can sound like this, “I want what I want how and when I want it.” As an extreme “me’, selfish adul, your needs go unmet. Instead you received criticism, resentment and blame. You are left empty and depleted with no love anywhere.
A balanced “me” attracts and is Love. An extreme selfish “me” destroys and is empty.
When you are aware of the whine . . . interrupt the pattern of racing thoughts and negative feelings so you can problem solve better options:
- Think or say stop when a stress memories and negative thoughts replay unsollicited.
- Place the difficult relationship situation on a mind’s eye movie screen in front of you.
- Plaster a big question mark ? over the picture to remind you to stay curious.
- Exchange critical thoughts with “That’s a strange, odd, or different way to be or do.”
- Watch their movie play on the screen. to see how they play their movie out.
- Stretch reality and play out a perfect movie. Your brain does not know truth. It responds to what you feed it.
For more lasting results learn do Pop What Stops You, Technique #3 of the Brain Body Balance ™ 5 Technique System. It instantly unravels negative memories, thoughts and feelings permanently. It eliminates your baggage so you can fresh. Instead of reacting, you are free to learn from the past to redeem your Present and future relationships.
CAT & MOUSE
One tries hard to resuscitate the other person. Just when they come to life and start to try, the other one quits. It’s human nature. One puts a wall up, the other tries to take it down, then the other retreats. It’s an exhausting, frustrating move that both lose.
When I change me, you have to change. I used to dread hearing that cliché, but it really is true. Think of a bully and a victim on the playground. If the bully gets no response from the victim, games over. The bully has to find another player.
Take back your power. When you patch up your own fear buttons inside. Stay curious and say often, “Wonder what they are teaching me?” When you get your last lesson, you pass the grade and your lessons become blessings. You will now you passed when a similar situation cannot get a rise out of you. If they find another button, it alerts you that you have more to learn.
Brain Body Balance ™ 5 Technique System targets your roots at the easier to change subconscious level, making tips you learn consciously work better. You can target, delete and balance your reactive buttons . . . reactive habits you might keep from a lifetime unravel, setting you free inside. Your outside relationships really does change in response to your lasting inside change.
TILL MISERY DO WE CROAK or BAIL?
They decided not to bail. They weren’t speaking so she did not invite him to the therapy session. Since the kids left 30 years ago, they lived on separate ends of the house and seldom spoke.
She heaved a great sigh of relief as she plopped into the chair in my office. Without an introduction she explained, “Someone at work who came to you to do Brain Body Balance ™ techniques and they assured me it was different and would help me. I doubt it. Years ago I tried therapy. I think the only thing that will work is for him to exit the planet. There’s not room for both of us. We despise each other. No way am I taking the wall down and let him win.” Both were paying with their life a losing game.
Then there’s the opposite choice. Join the soaring statistics. You can always bail. Next take a number. You try again, reach into the grab bag with even more baggage and more sensitive buttons.
“Love others as you love yourself” is the real secret.
Truth is, how to find love and keep it is all about showing up to Be Love, not need love. It’s being the Love, one with the flow of Love to share effortlessly. Love energy inside changes your attraction pattern and how you relate.
- Be “me” – Real, unique, odd, and different
- Shift Present – back from the future, forward from the past to the Present moment
- Decide your worth inside – It’s not negotiable, you were created in God’s image
- Be Present Inside – Learn from past, Truth sets you free
- Let go, let God Outside – people, situations and things change when you change
- Dream the Future – Pictures, thoughts and feelings with no limits
Your brain does not know truth or time. It responds to what you pay attention to . . .use this to your advantage. Become aware of losing moves. Use these 7 relationship tips to win the game. Pick a tip a day and practice one a day for 7 days. Then repeat to form new neural pathway habits.
Brain Body Balance™ 5 Technique System is the fast tract, the ultimate relationship game changer. Techniques that are easy, fast and lasting without the expected wait, struggle or repetition. They target, delete and balance what blocks you at the 90+%, subconscious, easier to change, root cause level. The weeds can’t grow back. You re-wFast track when you discover relationship techniques that go beyond a few tips.
We will notify you of the upcoming free webinar “Me, We, or Be” Discover how to re-wire your brain to release old habits and free you to heal, attract and create inside out effortlessly. Hope you join us!