I crept out of bed before dawn's light, hoping to sneak out without my family's awareness. I avoid partings like a traffic ticket. There they were lurking in the shadowy darkness to celebrate my first trip alone. With cappuccino in hand, still sensing the warmth of well wishes, kisses and hugs, their images quickly faded from my rear view mirror. Heaving a sigh of relief, my mind regressed to times we stuffed five teenagers into a van, tied suitcases to the top, demanding everyone have fun. Once we even picked up a stray cat to add to the confusion. They are grown now. It'll be easy to travel light and having fun will not have to be negotiated on this trip! Paring down the suitcases was the easy part. The suitcase of my mind was bulging with back talk like a trip with disgruntled teenagers, "So what makes you think you deserve to be so selfish. It's not fair! Everyone is home working while you go away to have fun?" My body stiffened. I was unwilling to allow my own defiant, unruly mind to ruin my fun. "Stop that!" I ordered. "You'll do most anything to cause conflict and stay miserable." When the chatter did not obey, I resorted in desperation, "I can stop and let you out, you know?" "Vacations are about changes" I attempted to reason. My trip will be fun. I will make new rules. No negative mental or verbal jargon allowed. No calling home to make certain they take their vitamins. No thoughts allowed about the clients who might need my help. Leaving behind this mind baggage would be no easy feat for my super responsible nature! For generations, my family has been plagued with the disease of "care taking, do gooding" from which there are no cures or vacations. We seem intent on keeping Mother Theresa's gene pool alive. It would be a long stretch of the mind to travel light, more mindless. To my surprise, the next day, the static of my mind was replaced by the faint humming of the tires as they met the pavement. More mindful, I tuned into my stiff body yearning to be stretched. Just as I contorted the upper half of my body into half a pretzel position, yet safely steering with one hand, my world changed. "Pow!" The smell of gunpowder, smoke filled the car. I was hurt. I swerved to the median, grabbed my cell phone and ejected from the car barefooted. My body was in high gear, running away from the car, but my mind froze in shock. "Sir, what I'm about to tell you will make no sense to you." I heard myself pleading"This is not a prank call, so please don't hang up on me. While traveling on the inside lane, a dead dog appeared. I had no time to swerve so I hit the dog. A bomb was planted in the dog. It came up into my car and exploded. I was hit in the left arm. I'm burned and bruised so I know I'm not crazy. Do you think I am?" Silence answered. I mentally flashed back to the recent cop movies my Police officer son drug me to the weekend before. Was I in a movie or was it for real? Maybe I'm in a dream. Could my determination to be mindless gone too far? Did I lose mine? Maybe I was experiencing an early onset of Alzheimer's, the dreaded disease that plagued the females on my mother's side. My mental free fall was finally interrupted, "Lady, stay on the phone while I send help." By the time the troopers arrived, I was sitting on the ground, cross-legged in a half pretzel position laughing hysterically. I avoided their "bless her heart" looks, and spoke before they could make inquiries to assess my mental state. Grounded in reality, I offered, "You can go, I don't need any assistance. I forgot I had a side air bag, much less that when they explode they do so with the sound and force of a gun and bruise and burn the skin. You normally take everyone to the hospital but I decline the invitation." It worked. These words bridged me to back to a sound mind - free. I mused, "I may never figure this mind thing out... or air bags for that matter". Maybe I packed a little too light. The mind, like teenagers can be a good thing to pack, as long as they take a back seat and follow the rules of having fun! I have half a mind to stop and pick up a few strays. Elizabeth Harrison, LCSW |
"When we create something, we
always create it first in thought form. "
- Shakti Gawain